Monday, May 01, 2006

A little lost, but looking

As I was lying next to my daughter's cot last night waiting for her to sleep, I had a thought that was simultaneously fear inducing and encouraging.

"In a hundred years, we'll probably both be dead"

At that point who will know of us, who will care about us and how we lived?

My daughter is 17 months old and the thought of her growing up, growing old and dying is somewhat challenging. Right now she a tottering, burbling, laughter inducing little person whom needs me and her momma to survive, but soon she and the world will move on and my role will change.
I see the same in the world around me. As I look up from my desk to the wall of my in front of me, I see constellations of little pieces of paper, each has words typed or written upon it, these words relate to things I have to do/want to do, projects I am undertaking (what is it with projects these days, everybody has projects. I'm not sure my parents have ever had a project in their lives. I must ask them), ways of being etc etc.
If I am present to my impending death and disappearance from the 'relevent to the world' file, are these day to day, year to year aims in my life easier, harder or just irrelevant?
The answer thta comes to mind is that it doesn't mean anything and there is no authentic reason to be scared of creating. So day to day and year to year I will have success and failure, but within the bigger context of a world full of understanding and passion, none of us can lose.

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